Keep running! Dun Stop.

Peace be upon to all.. 
It had been awhile im not update this cute column. 
Lets start my writing by... 

Don't stop running, don't stop

Keep on running, don't stop

Keep on running

Too much experienced has been collected over the journey of this life. Starting from a baby, a student in a institution until now. Everything that happens there is wisdom in spirit. And I... just need to uncover what was said this implied. Finally I got the essence of the answer without any doubt. It is experienced that can be benefited in the future.
                 While holding the 'post' as patient, I flirt myself back in to the world of writing and the room was a place I turn to creative work With an atmosphere inspired myself to continue to work. I was active enough to do the job of writing. (All my writing may not been seen in this blog, but it can been seen in my notebook)
                Finally, the efforts and support from doctors and close friends, I successfully create my own personal blog entitled "PSMRC". Many of friends are wondering what does it mean. Today, I gonna tell the meaning of my blog (PSMRC). 
                          P  - Properly 
                          S  - Sincerely                           M  - Moderately                           R  - Regular
                          C  - Constantly              

                Although others consider myself deprived, but not for me. I continued interest without looking. Moreover my tendency is write and read, I make it as a side efforts for my strengthen. At the same time, it seems to create a sanctification and passion in the soul. 
               If a day I do not hold my pen to sketch ideas, it feels like there is something wrong in myself. There's a feeling restless, anxious, and feeling no certain way unless if there is any issue that stop me to write. 
              That is what we said in malay proverbs, "Tuah ayam nampak di kaki, tuah manusia siapa yang tahu." I am started with something that empty finally capable produce ideas that is useful for society's gaze. I never complain or sighed with my life journey as it was written, just I want to remind all people out there so that always strive to improve themselves and whatever family situation. Do not easily give up! :D
             Take out all self potential because ALLAH had plan for us. What is important is azam and tawakkal should always be embedded in your heart.
             Do not be afraid to start from scratch because from there that we will go through various of challenges to continue to rise, then carve the victory. I also hope every work that I published is beneficial and ultimately will improve that changing needs over time. Anyway, all that I wish are able to be well received by the society and community.                          Last word from me, 

Till here my post. I will take a break after this. Hope you enjoy read this entry.
Maasalamah... Peace be upon to all.. 
With lots of loves and forgiveness... Writer.. 

Tragedy of CT Scan

Peace be upon to all 
السلام عليكم... 

بِسْــــمِ ﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

In the name of ALLAH. 

The Most Beneficent, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful...

Tomorrow and tomorrow, where today said goodbye and welcome tomorrow. 8th May 2012 is tomorrow date. 
Yeah, 8th May 2012 ! I have my appointment with my radiologist. I will undergo CT Scan. 

Excuss me, writter! 

YES? 

What is CT Scan? 

Computed Tomography Scan. CLICK THIS TO GET MORE INFO. <--- Anything, please refer to expert. TQ

Ok2.. Please continue... 

When orthopedist request to undergo CT Scan on me, my mind immediately recalled to an event where I can't forget it for the whole of my life. Tragedy 30 December 2011! 

What happened, writer? Sound like the event really.... gave a great impact to your life. 

Yes, is it.. Past 30 December 2011, I went to hospital to undergo MRI Scan. I enter the Diagnostic Department (Jabatan Diagnostik @ X-rays Department). MRI examination room is opposite with the CT examination room. That place was really cold like you were at north pole (kutub utara). Luckily, the hospital prepared the thick blanket for those who are waiting. While i waiting to be call by the nurse, there a young girls age around 6-8 years came from ward to undergo CT Scan. I kept waiting and waiting to be call. I saw that girl enter the CT examination room. After 1 hours, the nurse pulled her bed out from the room. A quiet and peaceful situation turned into anxious situation. Where everything is out of its control. 

Why..why? What Happened? 

That girl had stopped her's breath. Situation is totally out of its control. The doctors were rushing to save this little girl. The doctors try very...very hard to rescue this girl, CPR, ventilator and everything was done to save her life. Even her mama call her name, but there's no respond. The girl still unconscious.  I only can sit back and watched that incident. In my heart, " Hey, come on! Keep breathing. You family waiting for you! " and pray for her safety. 

Next what happened? Come on, dont stop.. 

Unfortunately, the rescue didn't success. She still unconscious. The doctor check her pulse, but there's nothing. So, the doctors said ." We're sorry, madam. Your daughter cannot be saved anymore. Sorry Be patient. " Nurse pull her blanket and cover her body.  Adik Fatihah gone met Creator on 30 December 2012. 

Thats why I remember this incident very clear. Its happened in front of eyes. I always keep this as a lesson and life learning. So, I hope everything run smoothly tomorrow. I hope i will be alright. ALLAH, Please Give you Blessing on me. If anything happened, I can only submission to ALLAH. He is Almighty and Merciful.

Al Fatihah for Adik Fatihah... 

Till here my epistle, will be continue on next post. Good Night everyone. MAY ALLAH BLESS ALL OF YOU. :')  Thank you for spend your time here and read my epistle.

Maasalamah. Wassalam... 

Conversation I

Peace be upon to all 
السلام عليكم... 

بِسْــــمِ ﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

In the name of ALLAH. 

The Most Beneficent, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful... 

Its already end of April. Time elapsed quickly. 

This conversation is between me and my mum. Sitting alone in my room and suddenly my mum came into my room.

Me : Mum, can i say and ask something?

Mum : What is it dear? 

Me : I tired... Not beacuse im running or anything. Tired because i feel pain. Very pain... Mum, look at me now! Is this your daughter? That you carry for 9 months and 10 days? Im sorry mum... 

(Mum silence a while) 

Mum : Yes, this is my daughter. Nothing change. Just...... 

Me : Just what, mum? Tell me.... 

Mum : Nothing, just your face looks pale and weak. Also, you looks small.. 

Me : Im speechless. I thought mum never noticed me about that.  (I trying very hard to hide it) 

Mum : Azy, come here. .  

(I walked to my mum and sit beside her) 

Mum : I know it, azy. Even thought you kept avoid from me and all. You locked yourself in room and being alone. I know it, azy.... 

Me : Mum, am i your daughter? Im sick... Im not like other siblings. 

Mum : Azy, you are special. Accept the truth azy... I never blame you and ALLAH for sending me a sick daughter. Listen and look at me! No matter what, i will protect, take good care of you, and be there for you till my last breath. I don't care how and what community want to think/talked about you. Because im your Mummy... I always LOVE you. 

Me : Mummy..!! Im sorry... Sorry for saying like this... 

Mum : Its ok. I understand. Promise me something? 

Me : What is it mum? 

Mum : Never Give up ok? Believe and trust on ALLAH. and 

I JUST WANT YOU TO SMILE.... :)  Be patience k? ALLAH ALWAYS BE WITH YOU.. 

Announcement

Peace be upon to all.

Well, Im apologize to all.
My blog is under renovation.
So, there wouldn't be any post from me..

Thank you :)

Sincerely,
Admin.

Buat AWAK - sahabat sejati saya!

Inilah aku ada apanya. 
Yang ingin membuatmu bahagia. 
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna. 
Sesempurna cintaku padamu. 


Ini juga ku ada apanya. 
Yang ingin selalu di sampingmu.


Ku tahu semua tiada yang sempurna. 
Di bawah langit Illahi ini. 
Jalan kita masih panjang...  
Ku ingin kau selalu disini... 


Biar cinta kita tumbuh harum mewangi 
dan dunia menjadi saksinya. 
Untuk apa kita membuang-buang waktu
dengan kata-kata perpisahan. 


Demi cinta kita aku akan menjaga
cinta kita yang telah kita bina. 
Walau hari terus berganti hari lagi. 
Cinta kita abadi selamanya. 

* Note : 
Andai saya ditakdirkan pergi sebelum awak, saya mohon seribu kemaafan atas kesilapan dan khilaf saya di masa lampau. Halalkan makan minum saya. Halalkan segalanya yang telah awak berikan pada saya. Terima kasih kerana berada di samping saya tatkala saya susah, senang, ceria, dan sedih. Mungkin saat itulah yang terakhir buat kita. Terima kasih kerana menjadi sahabat yang tersangat baik. Saya sentiasa mendoakan kebahagiaan, kehidupan, kejayaan, kematian (semoga awak tidak terseksa ketika sakaratul maut), keperibadian awak. Doa saya akan sentiasa bersama. Jangan risau. Saya tidak pernah menyesal kita bersahabat atau gelar awak sahabat. Doakan saya bahagia dan selamat di sana. Ukhuwah kita tidak akan pernah putus kerana awak sahabat sejati dunia dan akhirat saya. 



Coretan ikhlas dari saya.
Sahabat awak. 
A.T

Deep from my bottom heart.

Peace be upon to all.

Dear diary...
every joyful moment that i had been through with him (best friend), i wish i could wrote here.
but unfortunately, i can't... Well, i admit it. He is a true friend that i looking for. Always be patient with me. His patience make me proud of him. :)

I appreciate every day, every hours and even every second with him.
I want create unforgettable moment with him before i am destined to go meet The Creator.

Dear diary,
i am counting the day.
The day should i undergo my next treatment.
The orthopedist, nurse, specialist doctor and radiologist were helping me to get my bone scan appointment at General Hospital. <--- ( why is it far way? )
I have to be patient to wait the appointment.

But...
If i am destined to go before all these.
I would like to apologize to all. My family, teachers, friends and also YOU.
Im not talking nonsense. Just as a preparation.
Coz im afraid if i dont have a chance to do all this.
Almost everyday, almost every time i touch my hair, my hair will fall.
I getting pain everyday... I can said that my life 100% depending on medicine.
Without it, i dont know what gonna happen to me.
Obviously pain will come. urm...

Dear diary,
i want you to accompany me every single time. I need someone to talk.

------ Diary END -----

Sincerely, 

Writer.

End of January Epistle.

 Peace be upon to all.. 

Please let me wrote this entry in Malay language. 

Hari ini, ibu bawa saya ke tasik. Katanya, sudah sekian lama saya tidak keluar berjalan-berjalan.
Tasik antara sahabat baik sayadan ia juga ciptaan ALLAH. Apabila tibanya saya di tasik, saya hanya minta pada ibuku untuk meninggalkan  saya bersendirian.

Bersendirian adalah perkataan yang paling suka. Kenapa?
Saya boleh duduk berfikir tentang ciptaan ALLAH dan entahlah. Perkataan bersendirian itu sudah sebati dalam kamus hidup saya sejak sakit saya bertambah kritikal. <--- Tak baik laaa..!!

Ya, saya tahu tidak baik.
Tapi saya rasa seronok dan lega bila bersendirian.
Ketika bersekolah, rakan-rakan kelas cuba sedaya upaya untuk buat saya senyum dan ketawa.
Tapi tidak... Adakalanya, saya senyum. Hanya semata-mata ingin gembirakan hati mereka. Thanks kawan-kawan. 

Ketika berseorangan di sini, 

fikiran saya melayang pada suatu peristiwa yang amat sukar dilupakan.
Pada masa itu, saya di hospital sedang menerima rawatan.
Kebetulan, saya tersempak dengan dia yang enggan menerima rawatan yang sering dia lakukan. 

Muka dia muram dan tidak gembira. 

Saya pun bertanya dan dari situ, bermulalah perkenalan kami. 

Tapi, persahabatan kami tidak lama. 

Dia dijemput oleh Sang Pencipta -  ALLAH S.W.T.  Dia pergi meninggalkan saya dan orang-orang yang dia sayang tanggal 5 Oktober 2011 yang lalu. Perit dan pilu hati saya untuk menerima khabran tersebut. 

Tidak menyangka dia akan pergi, sedangkan dia seorang yang baik. Dia salah seorang insan yang berjaya membuatkan saya gembira, ketawa dan lupa bahawa saya ini sakit.

Kata-kata dia masih segar di ingatan saya. 

Az, Min di KLIA dan Min akan pergi Australia untuk menjalani pembedahan. Insya-ALLAH, Min akan jumpa balik Az apabila semuanya selesai. Terkejut saya bila mendapat SMS dari dia. 

Pantasnya masa berlalu. Tidak sangka itu SMS terakhir dari dia.

Namun, apakan daya ALLAH lagi menyayangi dia. Pembedahan itu gagal. 

Min atau nama penuhnya Muhammad Azriel Azmin B. Muhammad Firdaus Abdullah. Seorang yang berjaya membuat saya ketawa dan gembira sehingga saya lupa yang saya ini sakit. Tetapi , kini itu semua sudah tiada dan saya akui saya rindukan saat2 bersama dengannya.

Apapun yang terjadi, saya kena berjalan tanpa henti. 

Air mata saya yang tertahan ini menunggu masa untuk dijatuhkan. 

Semoga kepergianmu tak akan merubah apapun. 

Semoga mampu untuk saya lawan kesepian saya. 

 --------- DIARY END ---------

With Love and Peace, 

Writer

Epistle for you, A.N.

Peace be upon to all..

Dear diary,
Today, I opened my facebook account. View my private message.
I got message from my new friend. I was like fall in silent. Speechless.
Without I realizing it, I've been hurt a person called friend.
I apologize for all my words and attitude.

If all that makes you uneasy with me.
If you know me, you will know why I act this way.
I dont expect you to understand me, but know me.
I expect the same thing from you.

I want to have a meaningful friendship and wonderful moment for you and me.
Thats all...
Let build this ukhuwah (friendship) based on His law and the right path.

*** Many people wanted to travel to islands: They said the island was GREAT. 
But for me, SACRIFICE was the GREATER than the islands.
People busy for looking, searching and talked about LOVE because they said that LOVE is BEAUTIFUL. 
But for me, the MOST BEAUTIFUL LOVE is LOVE TOWARDS ALLAH and ACQUAINTANCESHIP. 
Many people wanted to give pearls as a gift to people they love. 
But for me, I want to give you a WONDERFUL and MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIP based on HIS LAWS and HIS BLESS. That's the best gift for you and me. ***


SACRIFICE, ACQUAINTANCESHIP, FRIENDSHIP


Started from ACQUAINTANCESHIP, we built FRIENDSHIP, and I will SACRIFICE everything to make you happy =)  ---> my principles. 


Forgive me, sis. 

---------- DIARY END -----------

With loves and peace,

Writer, A.T

Short epistle.

Peace be upon to all.

I cant stop blogging! =)
My birthday is coming soon.
Last year, i celebrate my birthday with my doctor, Dr.Felix. He buys me Mc Donald (since that the only restaurant near the hospital.
And this year, i going to celebrate it at hospital. And this time with my beloved doctor, nurse, radiologist, physiotherapist again.

Cant wait for that day to come and said hello to me... =)

AB-NORMAL vs NORMAL.

Peace be upon to all.

These few days, I feel uneasy.
Furthermore, Im not feel very well.

Pain makes me weak and weaker. 

Very hard to breath...

After this, no more post entry from me. 

I will take a month to rest and focus on my treatment.
I will undergo some treatment and operation. 

Pray for me. 

Since I sick, I never talk to normal people. 

I still remember my mum cried because of my attitude. 

Lock-up myself in room, being alone and speechless. 

If I have, i only texting, or chating with them.
I rarely communicate with people. 

I have a lot of friend. AB-Normal.
Same as me. Sick..

But one by one are gone. Meet the Creator. 

At school, Normal student are jealous with me. 

Because of the way teachers treating me. 

Im NOT Asking for the special treat. 

They are the one who done that.! 

By the way teacher, thank you for all that you had done to me. 

To  see me succeed, you all sacrifices a lot. 

THANK YOU ! Appreciate that. 

I still remember, 

I take a leave off for a 1 1/2 month after trial till SPM. 

During the period, teachers never stop message and attach homework. 

During SPM, you seen nervous when im in pain. 

When I said, " Cikgu, saya rasa sakit. Saya tak dapat nak teruskan. Saya nak balik rumah."
When Im crying because of pain.
You try very hard to comfort and give me strength. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH ! 

Im sorry if I burden all of the teacher.
I still remember my principal said, " You are different. And that me you special." 

Really? I dont know. 

For information: 

Im a sick student. 

Im a special SPM candidate. 

Im a passive person.
I love to think.
I love to blogging n writing. 

I love to be alone. 

Sometime, i thinking. 

Where should i further my studies after SPM? 

What course are suitable for me? 

I confused n low esteem bout that. 

And can i be friend with NORMAL people? 

 * Apa-apa pun, kuatkan semangat untuk berjuang lawan penyakit! Ya!
Baik buruk result, terima dengan redha dan ikhlas. Biar apa orang nak cakap apa, yang penting BE YOURSELF!.  

Ok, till here my entry. 

I will stop blogging for a month. But i will do draft while im resting. 

Take care everyone. Maasalamah and Assalamualaikum. 

With Love and Peace,
Writer. 

Friend Request

Peace be upon to all.. 

Yesterday, when I log in my facebook account.
I saw new notication - FRIEND REQUEST! 

For some people may think. " Alaa.. Friend Request jerk pun. Tak payah nak kecoh sangat la." 

Yes, that what people say nowadays.

Im so excited to know who he/she is.
Click on friend request button. A.N (short form) 

Huh? I don't know who is she. Till I got private message from her.
I try to stalk on her profile. Finally! Aha.. 

I know her - only her name.

Why suddenly? I wonder what her intention toward me. 

Is it because of .... or want to be my friend or what?
I leave it all to The Almighty. He know the best for me and her intention in her heart. 

Im kinda afraid to be friend with people. 

O Allah, 

please bless my Prophet Muhammad, My family, my companion, and those people who are good to me. 

Dear sis, 

if you read this, please don't misunderstand this entry.
just what i feel.... Nice to meet you sis... 

Salam ta'aruf. 

Till here my entry. Will be continue...

Maasalamah & Assalamualaikum. 

With love and peace. 

Writer. 

Jejak ku terhenti di sini.

Assalamualaikum semua.

Gambar diatas adalah karya nukilan saya. Ya, agak kabur sedikit tulisannya.
Tidak mengapa, saya tulis yang baru.

Ketika jejak telah terhenti dalam alunan langkahNya.
Batas waktu telah terhenti dalam detik.
Cerita kehidupanku telah tertutup di setiap lembarannya.
Di saat itu pula hembusan nafas tidak lagi tertiup dalam desiran.
Seiring jejak kaki melangkah sedetik menghilang waktu.
Menyendiri dalam diam terbalutkan tirai putih sekujur tubuh.
Ditemani sebongkah tanah penuh kegelapan mengusik dalam pemberian.
Yang penuh resah dan gelisah dalam kesendirian.
Di setiap jejak-jejak pengembaraan yang telah ku lalui...
Ketika kakiku berpijak di dunia fana ini ada tangis dan tawa yang terlerai.
Biarlah jejakku ini berkenang kelak menjadi saksi kepergiaanku ini.
Yang semakin menghampiri dalam bayanganku
Semoga segala janji telah terpenuhi.
Untuku dipertanggungjawabkan ketika jejak ku berhenti dalam langkahnya...


* Untuk setiapp nukilanku mempunyai maksud tersirat dan tersurat serta mempunyai cerita sendiri.
Usia penyakitku sudah hampir 3 tahun. Ya, ramai lagi yang sakit di luar sana, bahkan ada yang lebih teruk dari saya. Siapa yang tahu... Apa yang ingin saya sampaikan disini ialah semenjak saya sakit, saya merasa diri saya semakin hampir pada Maha Pencipta dan kematian. Apa-apapun, saya usaha, doa, tawakkal, redha dan pasrah semuanya pada Allah.

Sekian saja untuk entri kali ini.

Maasalamah.

Salam sayang, 
Penulis PSMRC 

Muqadimah 2012..

Assalamualaikum blog.

Blog, sekarang jam menunjukkan 12.03 pagi. Sudah masuk 1 haribulan 1 tahun 2012.
Sekejap dan pantas masa berlalu. Aku keseorangan di sini. Sekarang tahun 2012, maka tidak lama lagi, genap sudah saya sakit selama 3 tahun. Sakit yang tidak dapat diungkap melalui kata-kata. Hanya saya yang dapat merasai kesakitannya. Orang lain mengatakan, " Eh, dia ni tidak ada pape pun. Nampak sihat saja."

Ya, saya nampak sihat. Tapi itu dari luaran. Hakikatnya, saya menanggung kesakitan yang teramat sangat. Tidak mengapalah, orang itu tidak berada di tempat saya. Saya maafkan mereka. Biarlah saya berseorangan yang menanggung. Tangisan saya setiap malam, mungkin akan berhenti jika sampai waktunya nanti.

Benarkah kata orang bahawa " Bagi mereka yang beriman, kematian merupakan penamat kepada segala ujian." Saya tidak mengatakan bahawa saya seorang yang beriman. Tidak sama sekali. Saya hanya manusia biasa yang bernafas dan tinggal di muka bumi ini.

Andai pengakhiran sakit saya ini adalah kematian, maka saya redha dan pasrah. Saya ingin mengambil kesempatan ini mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih kepada insan-insan yang berada di sisi / di samping saya dalam mengharungi masa sukar pada tahun 2011. Hanya ALLAH sahaja yang boleh membalas jasa baik anda semua. Namun, selagi masa masih ada. Saya ingin membahagiakan orang yang telah mendewasakan/ membesarkan/ menjaga saya.

Tetapi, kenyataan yang sebenar. Saya jatuh tersungkur and tewas. Kini, apa yang perlu saya lakukan ialah mencari dan mengumpul kembali kekuatan saya. Saya harus bangun semula. Tapi mampukah saya?
Doakan saya...

Sekian, Maasalamah..
Wassalam..

Ikhlas: Penulis PSMRC.